


To Me, It's Everything

by cafephan



Series: The One Direction Songfic Saga (phan) [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009!phan, Fluff, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 22:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4763837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafephan/pseuds/cafephan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Early-morning contemplation results in Dan being able to say the words he never thought he’d be able to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Me, It's Everything

This fic is a songfic for **_['Truly, Madly, Deeply'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4by_5NALKo8)_**[by One Direction,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4by_5NALKo8) I advise listening to it as you read :)

\--

He couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe his life. His luck. He often thought he was living in his dream, his utmost ideal, it surely couldn’t be a reality.

But whenever Dan pinched himself, with a hefty sigh ready to be brought back into consciousness, he remained where he was. He remained under the colourful duvet, snuggled into the chest of the boy with the black shaggy hair who had his arm loosely around Dan’s waist. He slept with a faint smile playing on his lips, and it made Dan giddy to know he was the cause – Phil said it himself, daily in fact, ‘ _you’re one of the only reasons I’m happy, I can’t believe you’re actually here’._  

Dan often thought back to the early beginnings of his and Phil’s relationship, when it was all typed out emoticons and cryptic flirty messages. When he would watch Phil in awe as he spoke effortlessly to the camera amongst the smooth editing transitions, then gush about the video to Phil on Skype the very same night, and Phil would blush and mumble a thankyou. He often thought back to how he used to daydream about what it would be like if they were ever to kiss, seeing his long-term crush away from the low-quality pixels, seeing how chapped and plump his lips were in the flesh, seeing how those crystal-blue eyes could drive him wild in real life.

As he always woke before Phil in the mornings for some reason, he took the time to reflect. Today’s reflection was when they first met, the memory was always one that made Dan laugh to himself. He was so desperate for any form of contact, and it was evident in every selfie they took. Dan always had something on his lip, whether he be biting it, placing an object to it or placing his finger to it, he was playing anything but cool. He tried to be the epitome of subtlety whenever an opportunity arose, such as on the Manchester Eye, when the sun was setting and the last beam of sunlight was shining on them, highlighting their features, and they were face to face. His heart was pounding like crazy, his head was spinning, but all he could focus on was how beautiful and almost angelic Phil looked, the sunlight contrasting against his pale skin and making it seem as if it were to twinkle. “I’m so glad you’re here” Phil whispered as Dan blushed, and said how happy he was about the situation too. It was the perfect setting, couldn’t have been more romantic, and it seemed almost inevitable. But then Phil turned his head to watch as the sun slipped behind a cloud and commented how beautiful the landscape was, and all Dan could do was agree, biting his lip once again and ruing the missed opportunity.

He tried for days, weeks, but the right time never came. He was very much the underdog in his own opinion, as Phil had contact with a lot of other up and coming YouTubers who were, in Dan’s opinion, more worthy of Phil than Dan was, he saw how attractive men and women alike freely flirted with Phil at events and meetups, and his jealousy spread like wildfire, but as a YouTube comment on one of their collabs said ‘I’m sure you’ll get together!’, Dan found it in his heart to believe it.

Now Phil stirred slightly in his sleep, and Dan tilted his head up to smile fondly at him, and Phil’s arm tightened around Dan’s waist as he stretched his legs and then returned the smile, his eyes widening more as he awoke properly.

“What were you thinking about?” he asked, as he did most mornings, and Dan shrugged, but snuggled further into Phil’s chest, and intertwined their fingers.

“You” he mumbled, and Phil chuckled softly and kissed the top of Dan’s head affectionately.

“Good things, I hope?” Phil enquired, and Dan nodded.

“You have no idea” he replied, and Phil grinned widely as he closed the distance between them and kissed Dan sweetly on the lips, still smiling when he pulled away.

But it was true, he literally had no idea. Dan was fluent in the written word, he just struggled to voice his thoughts in an articulate enough manner, and Phil was the person who made him hate the fact the most. He wanted to be able to tell Phil exactly how he felt, that he couldn’t think of a time he had been happier, that he couldn’t think of a time when his problems had been further away from him. He thought about waking Phil up with breakfast in bed one day, a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, and hoping that the gesture would speak on his behalf. But he just couldn’t deal with Phil’s little pout if he were to leave the bed, and how Phil would complain “you can’t just leave me all alone”.  So he settled for letting his kisses do the talking, packing as much emotion and affection into each one as he possibly could, and repeating how happy he was to be there constantly, almost like a mantra.

There was a period of doubt where Dan fell on the tragic truth, his overthinking mind blowing everything out of proportion. If Phil were ever to simply change his mind, say he was joking, Dan would be crushed. He would fall apart when he returned home, and his heart would be torn apart whenever he saw the bright blue eyes and glossy black hair pop into his subscription box or someone said his name sparingly in a comment.

It was a dark time which left him in tears, rocking back and forth in the corner of Phil’s room, whilst Phil was downstairs cooking dinner. When he eventually found Dan a half hour later, and Dan reluctantly told him everything, Phil didn’t hesitate to make his feelings known. He spoke fluidly, beautifully, speaking every syllable which Dan wanted to say in reciprocity.

It was when Phil kissed him, harder and more passionate than ever before, that Dan really felt he’d won against his past. When Phil would say “you know, I really really like you, I think it might even be something more”, it made Dan’s heart do a flip, and he would involuntarily cast his mind back to the days of being bullied, and he would now laugh in the faces of those who said nobody could ever like or learn to love ‘someone like him’. Because here was Phil Lester, saying the exact opposite to them, and that’s what meant the most.

Because Dan was falling, and falling swiftly. He didn’t know how, not at all, but Phil had managed to kick all of Dan’s walls in that he used to lock people out of his life, and conversation flowed easily and in only two days Phil knew everything Dan kept hidden from the world, and vice versa. They were soulmates in every sense of the word, and it left Dan in disbelief that Phil was feeling the same.

He never wanted to stop feeling how he was feeling. He was falling in love and it was euphoric, like Phil was a drug he could never get enough of a fix of. He just couldn’t find how to say it.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, right now” Phil prompted as he absentmindedly played with Dan’s hair, bringing Dan out of his flashback and back into the present.

And as Phil rubbed the back of Dan’s hand with his thumb, it was as if Dan got a sudden burst of confidence, and he scrambled to a sitting position so he was opposite Phil, whom cocked his head to the side in confusion as to what was going on.

Dan took a deep breath, the words on the tip of his tongue being his only clarity.

“I’m not much with the talking, as you know,” he began, and took another deep breath, and Phil sub-consciously retrieved one of Dan’s hands in his own as a sign of comfort, and he nodded in encouragement for him to continue, “but I want you to know that I really think I’m… I feel ridiculously vulnerable and cliché when I say this, but I really really think I’m falling in love with you, crazily deeply, at that, and I know that I don’t want to stop. I’m sorry I’ve never really been able to show it, but I just want you to know that I do feel this way” he dipped his head after he finished speaking, realising straight away he had said more than he intended to say. He felt Phil tense after he finished speaking, but after a few seconds dared to raise his head slightly to make eye contact.

It was almost in the same second that Phil launched himself forward and wrapped his arms around Dan’s neck, and was kissing him so passionately it was inconceivable, making Dan’s head dizzy but causing a sensation of pure unadulterated bliss he never wanted to end. The tight embrace and the pressure of the kiss caused them both to topple sideways onto the pillows, which made them both giggle when they reluctantly broke apart for breath.

They proceeded to rest their foreheads on each other afterwards, looking into each other’s eyes and smiling widely, simply ecstatic to be in each other’s presence. They remained in comfortable silence for a few seconds, before Phil’s breath fanned across Dan’s lips as he began to speak.

“You’re my favourite enigma to get lost in, Dan Howell, I don’t know how you do it but I can’t get enough” he whispered, breathing still erratic due to the makeout session only a minute or so prior. 

The utterance provoked another wide smile from the brunet, and he dared to lean forward and kiss Phil once more, softly, teasingly, before returning back to his pillow and bringing a balled fist to his mouth and smiling into it.

Phil raised an eyebrow and his gaze flicked to the wall clock which only read 10am, then back to Dan and then to the duvet beneath them, then back to the blushing boy in front of him. In one fluid movement they were both back underneath the covers and the duvet was slowly pulled over their heads, just for that much more privacy from the otherwise empty house.

Dan was falling head over heels, unequivocally in love with Phil Lester, and that wasn’t something he had any desire to change. It was mad, it was the deepest one could fall for another, but most of all it was true, and it was welcomed with open arms.

He was learning to love, more so by the day, and he no longer felt afraid to say so.

**Author's Note:**

> Because we all love a lil bit of 2009 fluff, do we not
> 
> Be sure to let me know what you thought and show this fic some love on tumblr too! (cafephan.tumblr.com) 
> 
> xx


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